The Dark Thoughts of Parenting

As a parent, have you ever had thoughts about harming your children and then immediately wondered, “What kind of parent would think that?”  The kind of thoughts I’m referring to are imagining being aggressive toward your children, demeaning to them, being violent or sexual with them, or hurting them in some other way.  Since having negative or “bad” thoughts like this is rarely talked about, having these thoughts can make you feel scared and alone.  If you look at most depictions of “good” parenting in the media, you’ll see that “good” parents always look loving, calm, and giving.  We are sent an underlying message that it’s only the “bad” parents who would think these things.  In reality, having these thoughts and feelings is a normal experience that happens in almost all parents.  
Now, I want to make a clear distinction here between the thought and the action: thinking is different from doing.  Although many of these thoughts are normal and common, to act them out is never okay.  It is never appropriate to be sexual with or intentionally hurtful toward your children.  In addition, preoccupation with these feelings (i.e. having them most days or for long periods of time without relief) can be a sign of post partum depression and should lead a person to consult a physician or mental health professional.  
Simply having these dark thoughts as a parent, and as a human being, however, is part of the experience.  We each have the capacity for both good and evil inside of ourselves. Thankfully, we’re also endowed with the ability to be conscious of our thoughts, to control our actions, and to manage our feelings.  Being conscious, in this case, is about noticing your feelings when these thoughts come to mind.  Are you experiencing stress, anger, exhaustion, worry or loneliness?  The best way you can help yourself with these thoughts and feelings is to share them with your therapist, your spouse, or a trusted friend.  They can support you and help keep you in control so that, in spite of having the occasional “bad” thought, you continue to act as a loving parent.